Permission

“You have permission to stray, not to get lost” is the best translation I can offer. On the Chemin de Compostelle, signs with short messages were peppered along the way and I found this one to be of particular interest.  

While walking, my thoughts strayed. And on the trail I met a women recently retired who confessed she wasn't sure why she set out in the first place. Sometimes I almost strayed off the trail because I didn't pay enough attention to the blazes and another traveler added an extra hour of walking because she missed a blaze all together.

We stray. The potential benefits are real if unquantifiable. I found inspiration when I followed my thoughts wherever they took me. Perhaps the retired woman found an unexpected purpose for setting out. I became more observant to avoid loosing my path. And the lady who missed the blaze decided she needed to go home.

The potential to stray is the potential to wander and come back to ourselves with a little more information and perhaps with a greater capacity to avoid truly losing ourselves. Perhaps this is at the core of transitions. The crummy messy middle is a call to stray just enough so we don't get lost; so we don't simply repeat changes but rather become more powerful in our capacity to discern what comes next.

Cultures of Belonging

When I go back to France and even more generally to Europe, my husband remarks that I am different. He and I both know I am the same person, but his observation acknowledges that being back where I grew up draws out another range of sensibilities, thought patterns, and ways of being that get obscured when I am not there.

For a long time I was perplexed—after all, were these subtleties an expression of disingenuity?   Today I don’t think so.  Being at home differently depending on place and context is appropriate, even a gift.

I observe a similar experience among my clients as they make sense of their life transitions. In essence, redesigning one’s future is to find a renewed sense of belonging.  bell hooks refers to the ‘culture of belonging’ and describes her process as “Healing that spirit meant for me remembering myself, taking the bits and pieces of my life and putting them together again.”

To be at home with oneself in new contexts is, indeed, a blessing. And something my clients understand is the value of community and helpful guides. If you are interested and want more conversation with fellow travelers,join us .for our round table conversations

 All Things Transitions is free, you just need to register.

Got Bindweed?

Got bindweed? You have seen bindweed. You might know it well because you keep pulling it out of your flower and vegetable beds. Objectively the flowers are quite pretty and delicate, soft whites and pinks and a close relative to Morning Glories. Who doesn't love Morning Glories?

Bindweed is known for its tenacious survival, its deep roots spread into systems which makes it virtually impossible to destroy. From an evolutionary perspective, this is a survivor plant and in that sense, admirable.The problem with bindweed is that it is noxious and it takes over. The plant crowds out other cultures and displaces native plants.

We all have habits and thought patterns that act like bindweed: pervasive, sometimes enjoyable and even helpful but generally hijacks the essence of what we are truly capable of. These are habits we take for granted and hardly notice or when we do and aim to eliminate, they just come back. 

Like bindweed, becoming aware of how our habits are rooted within the person that we are and using thoughtful approaches to change the systems at work, is how we change our patterns. Ripping the plant out only changes the surface with no or little effect on what is below. Changing a habit without understanding how it keeps rearing its head amounts to the same thing. 

Living with healthy habits is synonymous to cultivating new internal ecosystems that thrive with native plants and are in balance with each other. The internal gardens is of your own design--plentiful, rich, surprising, creative. Most beautiful ecosystems form with the help of nutrients, gentle and loving influences. 

Who is to say you should cultivate alone? 

I leave you with the following question: What is your bindweed?

Reach out and safe journeys, Allyson